Mental Floss_ Architects Wear Black

Hey guys, this sucks.  I wanted to end this mental floss series. And it keeps messing with my mental state. I was on Twitter just glued to it cause I can watch the news, CNN, MSNBC, all those folks, they just kept playing the video over and over and over again.

[00:00:31] And then the protests and all you see is the bad stuff. And at least Twitter gave me some hope. You saw, some officers and some States that kneeled  put down their weapons and just listened to the protestors. , there was one video that an officer was talking to a little black boy, and he just started crying and I just started crying because that's all it takes.

[00:01:02] Is for them to listen to us. That's all it takes, and none of this would've happened if justice was served, but unfortunately, that's not the world that we live in. And.

[00:01:23] I don't know. I wanted to, as a podcast, I wanted to write a statement and just say those things, condoning and all that good stuff, but I was not in a mental space to write anything. And even now  after the weekend, I'm still not a hundred percent. I don't know if I can ever be a hundred percent.

[00:01:54] I think I'll be at a hundred percent in moment. I will be okay when I'm talking, or if I'm laughing and you walk outside and the birds are chirping and today was a good day as ice cube would say. I cream. Twitter was really good too. Side note. it was good to hear the old cube. He wasn't predator mode like I was hoping him to be.

[00:02:23]I'm pretty sure there was one or two tweets that reflected that. But the him and ice tea, those two, I was more surprised at ice cube cause I thought that he. Sold out, but I guess not. He kept the row. And it's funny too how van Jones and, Don lemon, , , where have you been?

[00:02:47]. It's, it was, it was refreshing to see that. So what, what do we do? Oh, so on Twitter, , Michael Ford  kept pressing and pressing like, we need some statements. We need some statement.  We need statements from organizations. We need statements from architectural firms.

[00:03:06] we need to know that you're with us. We need to know that you support us and don't take the neutral route. Be vocal, like just take a stand, believe in something. You know what I'm saying? So there was one or two, and even today, some are trickling down and you can't exp. And I'm in my mind, well, I think I posted this too,  you can't expect these organizations or these architectural firms to, , come out and say it because.

[00:03:37]we're in a service industry and firms, especially larger firms, they, they want business. They have, they have mouths to feed, they have their own mouths to feed. They want to keep the company running. And some of the clients  side of the police than they do us. And you know, it's just facts.

[00:03:58], this is me. This is Melissa talking. I had no expectations of firms, organizations to come out and say what they say. Or even originals would come out and say what they say. I didn't know they were. Two white women that I talk to on a regular about race relations and well, online, I acknowledged it, but there's one other woman, that I've talked to, a white woman that I talked to about race relations and I, and I appreciate all of them actually.

[00:04:32]and , sometimes I just don't agree with them. And other times we just, .  We both learned something out of the conversation. Sometimes we were like, you know what? You believe what you believe? And I believe, what? I believe  and it's a, it's a good thing.

[00:04:46]I think that's what's needed in all of this, in my,  my old jobs, I can not go to them and have this conversation to have any of these conversations without feeling awkward or without feeling uneased or this, not myself. You know? Because when you have conversations with.

[00:05:10] Individuals,  with, your colleagues, and  you're an architectural firm. You and the admin person or the only black people in the office, whether it's five people or 25 people or 50 people   the job I had that was like the longest stent of my, experience.

[00:05:33] I was the only black female and the only other by female was the administrative person. That was it. And they hired like two other administrators. Persons. And, yeah, I was, I was the only one for a long time that it was the other woman, but she was African. And I don't want to, I put an asterisk on that because Africans and African American experiences are two completely things .

[00:06:04]. So it's kind of hard for them to understand. Well, I said there, I'm putting words in, in other people's smiles, and I don't like to do that. So I think the only way is to have some, to have some on my podcasts and have this conversation. So I'm a pause on that part.

[00:06:24] But  the only,  conversations I can have about black life black experiences was with, the administrator. and I appreciate her a whole lot. I really do miss her. I have no idea what she's doing right now. She kind of disappeared, but

[00:06:42] there's one. I do keep in touch  she,  came to my wedding, so, where we're close. , I understand the difficulties in working when you're the only one and you want to talk about certain things, but you can't because the white man or white woman. That compensation is filtered.

[00:07:05] It's filtered as F. Okay. They, you, you don't want to be perceived as anything and they don't want to be perceived as anything or they just don't give a what and Dave is going to say, what are they going to say? It's a gamble. It's a risk. And. You have to be emotionally prepared to carry on with the rest of your day.

[00:07:26] Do you really? It's a gamble and it's a gamble on your career as a gamble on your profession. No. Ness cause you don't know. You don't know what they're thinking.

[00:07:38] You don't know if they have that client card in the back of their pocket. You don't know they voted for Trump or worse yet, they claim to be a liberal and they're not. And  I've come across that experience more than anything else. I've come across white women, white men who are as liberal as F. And then little things come out, right?

[00:08:07] Here's an example. I can't remember if I told this story. I apologize if I told this story before. but here it goes. So I had a, a coworker and she, Okay. I'm going to tell the story. I had a cohort cause it may, it may bite me back in the ass, but it's true. It's, this is a true story. And so if it just, okay, here's the story.

[00:08:34]there was this white woman and she was looking to put her child in. She was looking for a school. So in DC there are charter schools and then there's public schools. And so everybody does, like you put your child in a charter school cause you don't want to, you don't want your child to go to the neighborhood school.

[00:08:56] Cause nine times out of 10 the performance is not great. So, she was looking to put her child in a charter school and yeah. It's really challenging to say the least. hats off to all the parents in the district of Columbia who wants  to give their kids the best education.

[00:09:15] I know for me, charter schools was not a thing back then. I was fortunate enough to be able to go out on my. Boundary school and to go to, a school that really allowed me to find myself and to be myself. So hats off to school without walls. the demographics have changed completely since I've been there.

[00:09:41] But, I don't know how it is now, but to allow me to. Discover architecture in high school and to craft it the way that I believe that I should like for me to be whole of my education and not allow anybody else to dictate my education. I mean, of course there was like requirements and stuff you have to and test taking every other day.

[00:10:06] But, it allowed me to be who I am. , I learned a lot about, , DC and about, the African American experience, history. it was a solid education for me and I really appreciate that school.

[00:10:21] Anyways. , my former coworker, was struggling to find, a school for her child. And, So we had this whole discussion and some way, somehow race came into it and , I think I suggested at school or something and she kind of just looked at me and she was like, I don't want my child to be a minority.

[00:10:43] And I was just, I just stepped back like I was what, , she didn't want her child to be the only. White child in the school or to be a minority in that school and whole bunch of stuff came up.  We are living in totally different worlds because even though my upbringing was in DC and was chocolate city and I did not experience being a minority till I had college.

[00:11:18] What does she think about me? How this, how was her perception of me  she, she knew what school I went to and all of a sudden stuff and she approved of the school, like walls. She was like, yeah, I would send my child to walls. but my child wasn't interested in going to that school cause of like whatever.

[00:11:40]and walls is now majority white. it's okay for me to be a minority in this firm. It's okay for being a minority in school, but it's not okay for your son to be, is it that you think that the education wasn't up to par.

[00:11:57] Did you think that your child would be discriminated against because your child is a minority? All of these questions that I did not ask her, I did not confront her and I wish I did. Now, at the time, we were close friends, like I, she was my friend and we did have conversations about race before, but I knew.

[00:12:26] How she was. And so I knew that as soon as I left the company, we wouldn't talk anymore. I knew that from the get go. I knew that. and it hurts that we are not talking, but I don't have the strength to deal with that anymore. I don't, I really don't. And. Especially now when I only need allies. I only need white men and women who support the cause a thousand percent and would actually speak up and say something not like, I'll say something to you, but I can't.

[00:13:15] I can't. I can't jeopardize what others think of me. No, I don't need that. And, and that's the problem, right? That's the problem. I gauge things like this. This is a good test, right? If,  the black, this is, I've never, no, I've tried this before. Okay. So to know that a white person is down. Invite them to something that you're having, right.

[00:13:47] Like just have them come over to your house, right. And say, Hey, you know, I'm having a barbecue. Oh, Hey, I'm having a party. I'm having to get together. Come on over and see if they come. See if they show up. Cause I've been to plenty of their parties. I've, I've always gotten invited to their parties. I shouldn't say always, but I've been invited to some and I look around and I'm like, the only one, like, okay, great, I can't be myself.

[00:14:22]But when they come to your house, would they, would they have a perception of, Oh, she lives in the ghetto. My car may get stolen. Like how, how does all that work? I've never had any of, my white colleagues come over to my house. I've had parties, I've had, I've had a birthday party, a huge birthday party.

[00:14:44] None of them showed up. Like it was all excuses,  just down the road there's excuses. and I'm like, okay, alright. But they always wanted me to attend to their things,  it's always in Virginia. Goddammit is always Virginia and I'm just like, Virginia scares me. Like there, I used to date a guy who lived in Virginia and I hated going there 

[00:15:08] I'm good with Maryland. It's is, it's funny, almost moved down South. That's like, I almost moved down South. but yeah, so back to back to reality, right? Like back to working and functioning. And I have I've had a feeling that things won't change. How would you feel if the election was held and, yeah, the president wins again. What would you do? How would you feel? How would you function.

[00:15:50]How do you deal with those coworkers? You know, and you don't want to think about it, but you kind of have to. How do you move on with your career? What? What advice would you give to your future self to move on?

[00:16:09] I have no clue. I going back to architecture and working in. an architecture firm. what, what do you do?  I have some thoughts about that.  I could only express by experience and how I am moving through this space. I don't like to give advice.

[00:16:36]Cause everybody's different and everybody's at different stages in their experience and in their life. You know, some people are single, some people are married, some people are singing with kids, some people are, are divorced with kids and people, it's a mixed bag out there. So how do you move through the space.

[00:16:56]what I did was I decided to take control of my career and that involved confidence. Confidence in that you know what you're doing. You know how to put a set together. Like you just know. How to put a set together so you have confidence in that. There are things that you still don't know. Like you may not know certain how to detailed things.

[00:17:20], how new things are put together.    you have solid, rabid skips.

[00:17:24]So that that helps in that competence. Right? So now what? Now? Money. Right? The most important thing you need to be able to live. You got to pay rent, you got to pay those student loans. You got car note, you got credit card, you got, yeah, you got some bills. what do you do?

[00:17:40] Or you are working on your IDP on that, I'm sorry, a X, P, whatever you're working on that or you're working on your license or you're not licensed or you are licensed. Whatever stage are you at? you need to have confidence and you need to know what steps that you need to get. So I guess the thing to say is that the ultimate step is to be licensed, right?

[00:18:04] And you don't want to be licensed and not confident because then it's, you don't want to get hired. And someone will be like, Hey, do this. And you're like, I don't know how to do this. I just, I got a or out of school. I don't know what the hell this is. You don't want that. You need to be confident and you need to be working towards your license.

[00:18:20]So with me, I am confident, however, I do not have my license, but that if you're confident and you don't have your license like me, there are other things you can do. I, I guess as part of this podcast is for me to try to figure this shit out as to why I'm not licensed and my mental state and all of stuff.

[00:18:38] But that's a different story. so you can have the confidence. Now you need a plan, right? you need to, you need a plan to get the hell out. If your work environment is not kosher, I think that no matter what situation that you're in, no matter what scenario, if you're, if you are mentally struggling, if you're like crying every day, you hate your damn job, quit.

[00:19:01] Okay? This is, this is your mental illness is the most important thing after career. F everything. You need to be mentally stable cause you can't function. You can not function. I've tried, I've tried and I've, and I failed miserably because I did not acknowledge my feelings. I did not acknowledge, and I'm in a toxic relationship with my job.

[00:19:33] I understand you have to pay bills. But in the meantime, get that other job and don't worry about your resume. Just do something on the side. And then that's your way of explaining like just does work on your portfolio. Or, I mean, find pro bono work, do something, renovate the room, renovate something. Like just, you can always create a project.

[00:19:57]don't be afraid to create your own project, you know, people, and this is what confidence come in.  I can, I can put a set together. Right? So if anybody needs any , drawings or just advice, I'm doing a renovation of the kitchen. And then how do you find these people?

[00:20:18]This is why you got to put yourself out there, ? This is where you have to network and go online and , just this find it or , you have to talk to anybody. Just create your own project and just record it and it's putting out in the world and you'll be surprised as to who you attract.

[00:20:37] So there are a thousand ways is this, you're not in that space right now to be creative because you're miserable. And that's, that's the thing. You hate everything. And the goal is to not be miserable because it's only you, it's you and saying as your body is, your mind is your soul. And it , only responsibility you have first.

[00:21:01] If you're religious, you know, Allah or God or , whomever. but it's, you.  you gotta make sure you are healthy,  and make sure that you are mentally stable. .

[00:21:15] So get out, you got to get out and find what you want to do.  here's another thing. What if he can't get out? What if you're stuck?  you, not a us citizen and, and the job you have or are holding your papers or, you just financially, you just, you got to keep this job like it's, it's, there's no other way I need income.

[00:21:38] Completely understandable. Then this is where you have to do some math,   if it's your papers, then you have to stay there for a certain period of time, like there's no way out of it unless you want to run back home to whatever country you're from. You. There's no choice. , on the other hand, there's people who I need this money, so let's devise a plan, 

[00:21:57] you have to sit down and look at the books, how much money that you have, that how much money that you need to get out of this, this, and this, and then set yourself a timetable. I think that when you have a plan to leave, it gives you hope because then you're just, marking down a calendar, 

[00:22:16]. So I have a year a year of this hell. And then  once you decide how long you have, then you need to devise ways to cope. You need to just, you just got to figure out some ways to deal with the everyday. I don't know everybody's situation. I'm trying to think. Let's see. I remember when I was out of school, I had to leave school.

[00:22:42] And I was just working,  in the backup of kitchen, and weekends and I,  worked in this little shop. And, I also worked at the FDR Memorial in their bookstore. . I was just tired all the time, but I knew , the three jobs that I had, this money would help me through school.

[00:23:06] This money would pay bills and just help me get back into school. or even when I had to work during school. That was also difficult because. How do you handle studio and working? Like I was almost working full time and going to the studio and that mentally drained me, but I needed to do that in order to, finish my degree and in the end and leaving the school 

[00:23:31] I couldn't finish studio. And the whole point of me even being there was this finished studio. And that's another thing too.  when you're in the middle of this, when you have to stay at your job or you have to stay because of papers or whatever, you, you may burn out and that's another thing.

[00:23:49]In that process.  you're doing something, , looking for jobs.  doing that side hustle or,  you're creating new situations for yourself.

[00:23:58]you need to create your own, you need to start. Weaving your own destiny. You can't just sit back and hope that you become principal someday at this firm, or you just live in life. That may not be you. I mean, I know maybe one or two. Black people that have done that, that stayed and worked their way all the way up to the top,  and that's their, that's their life. That's not mine. I was not destined to do that.

[00:24:30] So, yeah. Okay. Wow. I didn't think I could talk to them. Mom. Yeah. So I might end this. it was good talking and, I feel a little better actually. , Oh , one other thing before I leave. if you noticed, but I don't say my name in the beginning of these things. , I don't introduce myself. I don't tell you to subscribe. I do tell you to become a member, but, I don't encourage you to click that like button or, follow me on the social media channels.

[00:25:09] I don't do that. the podcast industry, that's like the number one thing you do. You say your name or you own radio, you say your name and you tell people to tune it and then you tell, you tell people what to do essentially. And it makes sense, , cause people follow that thing.

[00:25:25] But I don't, I always go back to my intent as to why I created this podcast in the first place. why is it important for me?  to talk to black and Brown folks about architecture and,  aside from, you don't hear the voice, you don't hear that perspective. it's, an Oh, let me caveat before I said, it's not like, I don't want that.

[00:25:51], I do want you to know who I am. My name is Melissa Daniel.  Melissa are Daniel. Because there's a Melissa Day, you're out there that she's a singer songwriter. So, I don't want you to get confused with her. So that's what the R comes in. Melissa R, Daniel, my podcast architectural is political, and I do want you to tune in.

[00:26:14], yes. I want you to do , all those things,

[00:26:16] I guess  I'm still working through, the whole promoting thing, and I'm good at promoting on social media or on paper or whatever. I, I'm, I'm confident in that, but to say, Hey, look at me. Follow me. Like, I don't know. It's an internal thing. It's a personal preference. And at some point I'll start saying my name.

[00:26:45]at some point I'll tell you to subscribe all the time. And that's the thing, like you say it all the time and it's really weird. First of all, it's weird hearing your voice is really weird. Hear your voice, cause you start picking at yourself. You're like I say, I say, Like, and you know, all the time, even even in my regular vernacular, I'll say, you know, and like, like, like, fortunately the software I use erases these things so you don't hear it and be annoyed at it.

[00:27:21] And then secondly is weird to say your name. Like it's just weird. And I don't even think people, people know me, don't even call me Melissa. They call me other names. So, and I was never really Fon with my name. Melissa. It's okay. I don't think I look like a Melissa. This is TMI. I'm sorry. okay. So, yeah, so thanks for listening.

[00:27:45] all right guys, be safe. Take care of yourself. Take some social media breaks. Take some TV breaks. wash your hands where your mask stay black, they Brown.

[00:28:03] stay white if you're white just be who you are and understand everybody's struggles differently. Everybody's pain and the way we all react to the pain varies. And it has different periods of highs and lows. So just be kind to yourself and to others. I'll try to do the same.

[00:28:30] All right guys. Bye.